「這青春」─ 蔡淑惠刺繡複合裝置計畫

首次展演日期: 2014-10-26    結束展演日期: 2014-12-28

活動地點: 台北當代藝術館
活動地址: 台北市大同區長安西路39號

創作自述

對我來說只要還有熱情，就是「青春」。

2004年醫師宣布我得了精神分裂症，每天都要按時服藥控制病情。出院後，重新開始了規律的手工刺繡勞動。剛開始並不容易，雙手笨拙，繡線時常穿不過針孔，繡針時常不小心掉到滿地，繡線也糾結纏繞成一團…。好不容易繡完了，才發現問題…，一切又要重新來過。就這樣繡完了拆、拆完了繡，來來回回好幾次才完成一件作品。

艱困的處境，一年、一年過去…，有一天覺得舒服、享受了，才發覺繡上了癮！ 在我生命經驗中，最驚喜和震懾的部分來自大自然。我想男女之愛也是屬於大自然的一部分。也許是刺繡時的沉寂，讓我重新面對了曾經歷的一段戀情：從我的身體經驗開始，慾念竄流的交衝糾葛，兩次墮胎的傷痛咎責。這邊體會狂喜，那邊身陷囹圄。兩端極端矛盾的情感衝擊，交織穿引成一件件自傳式創作。透過刺入穿出的手工針線勞動，吐洩身心的情累，沉澱清澄心念感知，為20年前的一段戀愛捧拾繡縫。嘗試在一次愛戀的舛誤後，一針一線再摸索出自己的輪廓，像是誕生了一個又一個孩子。

因為無處躲藏，期盼20年後能為「這青春」作一註腳，映照了一段青春恣意、愛索纏縛的時空，也是這些年對刺繡創作的實驗探索，將人生悲劇演成喜劇，從創作中獲得心靈的自在和釋放。猶如中國作家魯迅曾說：「遇見深林，可以闢成平地的；遇見曠野，可以栽種樹木的；遇見沙漠，可以開掘井泉的。」

Artist Statement

As long as there is a passion, there is youth. 

In 2004, I was diagnosed with schizophrenia which could only be treated by regular medication. Being discharged from the hospital, I led a routine life with embroidery handwork. It was not easy at the beginning with my clumsy hands – neither could I thread nor hold a needle properly, leaving me with piles of tangled threads. Even if a piece of embroidery was barely made, I would find some problems that I had to unthread and redo, stitch by stitch, day by day, until the work was completed.

The moment I walk out of those doomy days, I feel relieved. I also realize I am addicted to embroidery!

My experiences in life have taught me that the Mother Nature inspires us with awe and wonder. To me, the intimacy between men and women is also part of the nature. The quiet moment during embroidery allows me to confront a relationship I once had: it incited my body to untamable desires as well as invincible pain and guilt caused by abortion twice. At times I was ecstatic but most of the time struggled. Two conflicting ends pulled off each other and interweaved into works of my own stories. Through the process of stitching, sufferings rooted in my soul for two decades have been discharged and a serene state of consciousness is reclaimed. Due to the mistake in love affair, I attempted to discover myself again by needles and threads. I created my works as if I gave birth to my children.

Nowhere on earth can I hide anymore. Therefore, after twenty years, I take this exhibition, The Youth, as an annotation to the time of passion and devotion as well as a celebration of my carefree and releasing soul. Embroidery is a journey that turns a tragedy in life to a comedy. A quote from Chinese writer Luxun crosses my mind: I see land for cultivation in woods; I see plantation in wilderness; I see wells dug in deserts.

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